My version of ‘That Thing Called Tadhana’

“There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice. ” – F. Scott Fitzgerald as quoted by Anthony

Together with my Team, we watched tonight an indie film which I’m sure everyone knows ‘That Thing Called Tadhana’ and it inspired me to do something that I have not done in a long long time – BLOG! So here is my version of ‘My Thing Called Tadhana’. Years ago, back in my mid-20s, I had this penchant for meeting guys when I travel whether its on the plane, bus or boat. There was this one particular incident that I suddenly remembered, after watching the movie. One time, I was going on a trip to Manila, the guy who was supposed to pick me up from the airport got held up at work and will be 4 hours late. Now, what was I supposed to do in the airport for 4 hours? So in the pre-departure area, I looked around to check if I knew anybody there, and sure enough, my eyes settled on someone who looked vaguely familiar and was eyeing me back. After a few minutes, the guy approached me with his pick up line ‘Do I know you from somewhere? You look familiar!’. After talking for a few minutes, we finally figured out that we go to the same gym. So we got to chatting, and he asked what I was doing in Manila. I told him I was meeting someone but he will be late. Upon knowing that I did not have anything to do for the next few hours, he invited me to have dinner with him and his brother who was the Chaplain in one of the hospitals in Manila. Mind you, I did not know this guy nor his family, nobody knew that I was with him and I was not even sure he was telling the truth, but being young, free and foolish, I did not thought about those things and just said ‘sure’. True enough, he brought me to his brother’s place and we had dinner together. After dinner, we decided to stroll around the park and saw Star City just across the street. Just for the heck of it, we decided to go inside Star City and take a look around and surprisingly we had a few hours of fun. He was witty, nice and fun to be with. We parted ways when my ‘sundo’ arrived and picked me up at the hospital. The whole encounter was surreal and straight out of the pages of a book. Looking back at that chance encounter many years ago, tonight I wondered: Was that guy, my soulmate? Was he my ‘tadhana’? Did I let love slipped through my fingers? Truth be told, I cannot remember how he looked like and his name now. All I can remember is that giddy feeling so long ago when I still believed in romantic love and happily-ever-afters.

Remembering that feeling, I suddenly realized that I felt great. I was ok. I was fine. It seems like tonight, a shooting star passed by and cleared the air for me, and all the bitterness, pain and betrayal that I felt for the past three years seems to have vanished. I had indeed moved on with my life. The movie made me realized that there is still love after all the pain. There is still hope. It made me believed in love again. It made me believed that fate plays a role in our life and that somehow, somewhere there is someone out there meant for me. We might not meet in this lifetime, but we will definitely meet one of these days.

Tadhana is indeed a strange thing. It is just around the corner and we will never know when it will come to our lives. Maybe Mr. Gym Guy is the one or maybe not. Maybe one of these days, just maybe, Mr. Meant for Me will pass by, and an arrow will pierce through our hearts and say ‘we are made for each other’. And if that time comes, and the encounter will be an unfortunate one, then I will do what Mace and Anthony did: go to Sagada and scream my heart out. And I will be ready to love again! P.S. If you are that guy that I met so long ago, drop me a line here. I would like to meet you again and thank you for reminding me that love is wonderful!

On Turning 40

Three months ago, on July 19 to be specific, I turned 40. They say that life begins at 40. Me? I didn’t quite know how I felt about the grand 4-0. But I knew I had to do something to make it memorable. After all, we only get to be 40 once right? And so I decided that to remember it by, I had to go to a new place - which is exactly what I did! But,unfortunately it was not on my exact birthday. A week before my birthday (which coincidentally was on my sis' birthday), me, my sister and my son went to Subic and Clark and had a grand time (which is another story altogether),and so on my actual birthday, I didn’t quite know what to do anymore. It was a school day and after I drop my son off at school, I decided to spend time alone on my birthday and go driving around. And though my birthday didn’t quite turn out the way I planned it to be, I still had a great time being alone, driving on my own,listening to my 80s music and exploring new places. So to all those turning 40 out there and don’t quite know what to do, here are some tips:

1. Go spiritual..

I’ve been hearing about this place on the way north, somewhere in Carmen, where there was a shrine of Our Lady of Manaoag. After spending several hours researching on the internet on the eve of my birthday, I decided to go there alone. I didn't exactly knew where it was. All I knew was that it was in Carmen. But I figured that it wouldn't be so hard to find and so off I went with my trusty Vios... And me being me, I promptly got lost! After back-tracking quite a bit, I finally got there. Now, to begin with, the place is actually called The Benedictine Monastery as it was a monastery for the Benedictine monks. The place is absolutely gorgeous and so solemn. And with it being a Thursday, when I got there, I was the only person there and had the place all to myself. It was definitely a different experience.

I didn’t quite know what made me go to that place but a few weeks before my birthday, it seemed like there was a little voice inside me that kept telling me to go there. I'd like to think it was Mama Mary calling me and when I got there, believed it or not, I could actually feel her presence. Mind you, I am not a very spiritual person. Sure I go to mass every week and pray every night and morning, but, to say that I was spiritual would be an exaggeration but on that day, I could actually feel her. To top it off, when I was going around and looking at the picture of St. Francis, I swear I can actually hear him talking to me. I listened intently but the only thing that keep crossing my mind was the promise that I will visit this place every year on my birthday. I don’t know if that was what St. Francis wanted to tell me but my mom who knows these things, said that it was. And so I made a promise to go visit them every year.

It was quite a different feeling walking around the place in the middle of the day, without seeing or talking to anyone. I should have been scared, being in a strange place and being alone, but surprisingly, I felt safe instead. There was something about the quietness of the place that spoke to me and made me hear myself better – something which I couldn’t do amidst the noise of the city. The sereneness of the place was compelling and so peaceful at the same time.

2. Go down a different route than normal.

While I was going to Carmen, I naturally passed by the NRP which is the easiest and less traffic way to go North. Lo and behold, when I got there, it was un-passable. It was apparently being repaired. Fortunately, a helpful old man on the street said to turn left and just turn right all the time and I will soon go out into the main road near Consolacion. Now, I was just a new driver (well, not so new but not so confident too) and it was a side road with probably very narrow streets and lots of people. But I thought, I was 40 that day and what the heck! I could always go back. And so I followed the snaking small streets, stopped several times to ask for directions and I did it! I was so proud of myself for doing it and it made me realized that in driving, it really just take guts!

3. Don't give up!

As I mentioned earlier, I got lost going to Carmen. Now, I’ve traversed this road more than a hundred times going home to Medellin and I know where Carmen is. But as I got out of the traffic in Consolacion and Liloan, I sped up and with my love for speed, I didn’t realized that I was way beyond the boundaries of Carmen. I had to backtrack a long way it seemed but I finally got to the corner of the road leading to the monastery (I had to stop again several times to ask for directions). As I went up and up and up and up, I started to realize how far the place really was. There were times when it was only good enough for one vehicle, there were a lot of blind spots, there was even a motorcycle accident along the way, and the roads were not exactly that good, but I never gave up. It did crossed my mind though that if my tires got flat or if my engines conked, it would take some time for somebody to come get me and my dad would kill me if he knew where I was going. But up and up (did I forgot to mention that the monastery was on a mountain?) and up I went. And boy, was it worth it!

4. Thank the Lord and pray!

While I was in the monastery, I climbed up the hill and actually went up to the monastery. Since it was 1PM, I bet all the monks were having their siesta time but at the door there was a bell and a sign that says, just ring the bell if you want to talk to someone. I actually stood there with my hand poised on the bell for about five minutes debating with myself on whether to ring it or not. What stopped me was that I didn’t actually know what I was going to say and I was actually enjoying not talking to anyone so I moved on. On my walk down, I saw the Holy Rosary Center and decided to go inside and pray the rosary. I thanked the Lord for the wonderful blessings HE has always given me. It was a very nice place to pray and having the area all to myself, it was like having my own huge prayer room.

5. Explore somewhere new

After my spiritual adventure in the shrine, I decided to explore a nearby place which I passed while going up. They called it The Durano EcoFarm and Spring Resort and so I decided to drop by as it might be a good place to bring my son to. The place was very natural – the water for the small pools came from the spring and it was fashioned to blend in the scenery. You have to walk down what feels like a million stairs to get to the pools and the challenge was going back up. It wasn’t yet very developed and would probably cater to the more adventurous type. Me, I love the comfort of the resorts so the place wouldn’t be ideal for people like me. But nevertheless, it was a different place and I’m sure would appeal to the back-packer nature loving type.

6. Treat yourself!

Or in this case, get someone to treat you out! My sister was generous enough to invite me and my son to Bluewater to sample their buffet complete with a glass of wine. It was absolutely yummy! Cheers 40... I face you not with fear but with hope and eagerness that the next 40 years is going to be much more exciting! Looking forward to my next birthday! Cheers!

At the end of that day, I realized that 40 wasn't bad after all. I had a loving son, a job that could make me earn enough for me and my son to live comfortably, I have a family who has always been there for me, I had good friends who stayed with me through thick and thin and above all, I had Mama Mary who continually guide me everyday. As I promised St. Francis on that afternoon, Mama Mary, I will be back!

Driving Up North

A few months ago, I finally decided on the car that I wanted and went for it. After so many twists and turns, the great debate was over and voila.. got my car..

Let me tell you, with a car, you have the freedom to go anywhere you want. And so of course, on my first long trip - it was to go home to Medellin. After seeing how my son really enjoyed the place, we went back again and again on several spur of the moments trips and I discovered the joys of going home on the week-end.....

First off, the long drive is really therapeutic. Because of the deserted roads, you can really let loose on the road and drive at the maximum speed that you could dare, something that you can't do in the city. It answers my need for speed. Driving to the tunes of classical music with my siblings quarreling in the background and my kid joining in... seems like we never really leave our childhood behind.

The beauty of having your own ride is that you can stop anytime you want. Which is exactly what we did. For several years now, everytime I passed by Sogod, I saw this sign 'This way to Borrusia', and I've always wondered what is inside it and so finally on one week-end trip, I told my sister and bro that we'd leave early and stop there for breakfast. So in we went and had a look around. The food was absolutely delicious. You got to try their hungarian sausage and lasagna (even my son loved it)and a pitcher of their lemongrass tea! While waiting for your food, you can do a few number of things in their big space:

Take a stroll along the garden. Their garden is very green and at 8 in the morning, its a wondrous feeling to just stroll around, smell the fresh air and appreciate the flowers.

Driving Lessons

Today i had my 4th session of my driving lessons and as i've told my teacher, this is actually the first time that i got scared. i don't know why.. he told me, that it was because i was getting better at it and i know how to drive that i'm getting scared and that it's a good thing.. huh? should i believed him?

anyway, i took up driving lessons 3 years ago and for some reason, i stopped on the 3rd session. i then practiced on several other cars - a toyota corolla, a pick-up and a mitsubishi adventure. at that time, i had a hard time grasping the concept of the clutch and gear and then brake. when i had to stop and go back to gear 1, the engine would always (as in, always) die down. and if i go slow, the engine would also die down.. but the thing is, if i go over 60, it won't.. hahaha.. my need for speed showed up again.. hahaha.. since, i didn't have any plans of buying a car at the time, i stopped learning how to drive. i could drive a car already, but i didn't know how to do reverse and park and i only wanted to drive where there were no other cars and no stoplights.. so i figured that i wouldn't find a road like that here in the city, so i stopped my lessons. I thought, what was the point? i live in the heart of the city, ayala was just walking distance, my office was just 15 minutes away and my son's school was also within the vicinity,plus, there were hundreds of white taxis going around the city, so why would i need a car right?

i don't exactly know what happened, but one morning, a couple of weeks ago, i woke up and said to myself, 'i want a car', therefore, 'i should learn how to drive'. so on my way to work, i called up the number of the driving instructor that my officemate gave me and made an appointment.

i started my lessons without a license.. oh well, teacher said it was ok. but i got my SP last monday, and if i do say so myself, i look good in my photo:) ha!ha!

when i started my lessons again, i learned that the cars now are different and miraculously, i didn't find it so hard to use the clutch and gear anymore. well, the engine would still die from time to time, but i'm just a beginner right?

so now i'm on my 4th session and i've already tried parking and reverse driving. let me tell you, driving is hard, but it makes me feel good and in control. being the control freak that i am, that would make sense right? imagine, the freedom of just riding around and clearing your head? God! That was what i wanted. So this time around, i took my lessons seriously.

i don't really know if i am ready to drive on my own, but i am bolstered by the thought that there is such a thing as an AT car. they said that its easy to drive and it just takes guts to drive.. no guts, no drive right?

so now, the real work begins - the search for the perfect car. my friends, being who they are, have a lot of opinions but as my best friend joy said - the car has to speak to me.. so now, the search begins.. stay tuned folks!

'and i did that without even studying too hard mommy noh?'

Today i got my son's very first report card.. He is in Grade 1 already and this is the first time that I got a report card with actual grades on it. He goes to MMIS and for his pre-school years, grades on his report card were only letters (A+, VG, G, etc). MMIS doesn't believed in the honor roll so you won't really know how your child is doing as compared to others in his class. they say that its because they don't want to pressure the child, which i also tend to agree..

so anyway,when i arrived from work the other day, my son greeted by excitedly saying that

allen: mommy, mommy, i don't have school on friday.. yehey! yehey!' with dancing motions
me: and i go like'' 'why pangga?'
allen: its Parents Teachers Conference (PTC) mommy.. you have to be there or else teacher will get angry

well, with an edict, who could say no right?

now, this week has been a very hectic week.. i had to attend a 5 day labor seminar while sandwiched in between those days were 2 meetings and simultaneously a 2 day leader's summit was also scheduled which i also had to attend.. all in the same week.. the seminar, the meetings and the summit were in 3 different locations, so i had to travel back and forth .. and god! by the end of the week, i was so exhausted..

and i had to factor in the PTC also or else my son's gonna kill me.. so over the course of the week... i had to remind myself over and over again 'maila, PTC on friday, 1PM, MMIS'.. 'maila, PTC on friday, 1PM, MMIS'..

on wednesday night, just when we were about to sleep, i reminded myself again, 'maila, PTC on friday, 1PM, MMIS'.. 'maila, PTC on friday, MMIS'.. 'maila, PTC on friday, MMIS'.. when suddenly my son said:

allen: oh by the way mommy, i forgot to tell you
me: what pangga?
allen: teacher said i'm in the honor roll
me: (excited).. really pangga?
allen: yes mommy, teacher joy said the first honor is a boy..
me: (doubtful at once): what exactly did teacher joy said pangga?
allen: she said, that its a boy and his name starts with 'A'.. and then she also said it could either allen, aidan or brandon..


and allen, being allen, he promptly feel asleep after saying it.. so me, i was like.. starts with 'A' but it could be brandon? hmm.. something's not right at all...

amidst the busy day ( i went home late last night from the office), while we were again about to sleep, being the stage mother that i am, i asked allen:

me: so pangga, did teacher say who was number 1?
allen (matter of factly): its aidan mommy
me: oh.. did teacher say if you got any place?
allen: no she didn't.. will you still love me mommy even if i am not number 1?
me: of course pangga.. you will always be my number one love.. i will love you even if you're not number one
allen: but you'd love me more right if i'm number one?
me: of course not pangga.. i will love you no matter what..
allen: aww.. that's so nice mommy.. love you too.. (with matching hugs and kisses)

sidenote: when i heard allen say that, it made me realized that we should take care not to pressure our kids too much.. they might end up thinking that failure is not an option and would not be able to live with it...

anyway, this lunch, i rushed to MMIS to get his report card.. and true enough, teacher joy said that allen was an honor student.. allen was second place getting a GPA of 92.48.. to be first honor, you have to have a GPA of 93... that's only a difference of .52...

not too bad allen..in fact.. this is G R E A T !!!

when i got home, i excitedly told him about his card and told him he was honor student.. and allen, being the shy, humble kid that he is said: "and i got that mommy without even studying too hard noh?"

toink! that's allen.. that's my son.. :)

Blogging,, Googling.. Designing...

For the past two week, i've been scouring the net to search for the perfect design for my blogspot.. now, i am not really an internet-savvy type of person, but i tried to understand how to use it as best as i could.. and so i begun my journey in the search for the perfect design..


Stop #1 - Google.com - naturally, as with everything on the net, you start of course with google.. so i typed in 'blog design' and true enough i got a million or so hits...I started clicking and clicking on the links and i found a few interesting sites..


Stop #2 - blogspot template - i entered this website that offered free designs.. in fairness, i was able to upload the design using a tool that ends with an 'html'... now, the problem was it looked bad.. really bad.. so i went back to the original template...


Stop #3 - blogger.com- after going back to trusty google, i said to myself - "why fix the wheel when it ain't broken?" so i decided to improve on the default design of the blog.. now this one i really really like... however, there was only one major problem with it - it doesn't have any link bars... so i went back to the drawing board again...


Stop #4 - twitter.com - i decided to looked at some friends' blog and check how their design looked like... i looked.. i liked... i tweeted them and lo and behold... i was re-directed to another website...


Stop #5 - template.com - i really,really liked the designs and it was exactly what i neeed... the problem was when i uploaded it to my blog, it kinda destroyed the whole layout and the words 'flicker' kept on appearing in the background.. and as much as i tried, i couldn't figure out how to take out the background words.. so at 2 in the morning, i stopped and uploaded back my original layout...


Stop #6 - website.com - then i got the brilliant idea that i should create another website.. i asked my sister the website expert and she said that my blog was already a website.. huh?.. duh, i couldn't get it.. so i went back to stop #1 and thought about mutlply..


Stop #7 - multiply.com - i liked it for the simple fact that i can edit the colors and fonts of the blog entries... what i didn't like was the big ad at the top of the page.. i mean, for whatever reason, i just hated watching that ad telling me i won something and blinking and blinking and blinking.. and man, was that ad big.. so i cancelled my account there..


Stop #7 - livejournal.com - so after so many stops and turns, i ended up here.. now, for the life of me, i couldn't still figure out how to re-design this page but i have a good feeling about this.. i'll explore this again -- spend sleepless nights-- and hope this is it!

"The wondrous feeling of ginpoms"

After a long long time, I got drunk again tonight.. actually, I’m still drunk while I’m writing this but I just felt that I had to write it all down before the toils and boils of everyday life caught up with me tomorrow and I forgot to write this blog.

Our good friend, bruce, who now resides in manila came home for the weekend as he was invited as a speaker in the anniversary event of one of the institutions here in cebu (though, for the life of us, we couldn’t imagine why he was tapped as one.. haha).. so as usual, everytime he was in town, the whole mangtas group met..

Since, it was antonio’s birthday and joy was sick, she couldn’t make it.. mike had to be yaya to his kid so he couldn’t make it as well.. That left me, joey and jipjip. It was mother lily’s birthday so I suggested to joey for us to just met in his house and we’ll just bring food *kuno*… we went to Salinas for dinner.. as usual, bruce was at his hilarious self, telling us about his one hour talk and we got busy updating each other with what happened to our lives for the past 3 weeks (we actually saw each other a month ago) as we waited for jipjip to arrived as he was assigned to bring the _ _ _ blue and mango juice..* he was late by the way*

We finally started with our drinking session.. let me tell you, in case you get the wrong impression, I do not drink that much now *recovering alcoholic* hahaha.. but ginpoms was and has always been my favorite drink.. unfortunately, jipjip bought 2 small bottles, thinking that I was the only who was drinking it.. (hmm.. 2 bottles just for me?..) so we started the tagay and dongkoy (‘unsa man jud ang estado joey?’) me, joey, bruce and jipjip finished the 2 bottles in an hour.. they went on to RH but I declined (I’m an RH girl, but I don’t usually mix my drinks) .. we wanted more so bruce suggested that we go to his hotel (aircon!), buy more stuff and finish it there.. since jessa was going out anyway (by the way, thanks to jessa for a free dinner), we decided to all go out.. and that’s when we all got drunk..

Drinking has always given me that liberating feeling where I can let go of all inhibitions, where i can just say whatever i want and know that i can always blame the alcohol after.. don’t get me wrong, I am not an alcoholic and this is the first time that I got drunk after a long, long time.. in fact, I remembered that the last time I got drunk was joey’s birthday, around 6 years ago, where I also drunk a jar full of ginpoms all by myself (though in retrospect, the last time I really got drunk was January 2010 when we went home to davao and celebrated my aussie’s cousin nim’s birthday) .. for a brief moment in time, you get to feel irresponsible and you get to express whatever you want!..

I don’t recommend this though to be a regular thing.. getting drunk once in a decade is ok.. doing it every night, that’s a different story.. so if you do want to get drunk, I have only 5 tips for you:

1. Drink only with friends that you can trust. When you want to get drunk, better do it with people that you trust 101%, who you know will tell you when to stop and will ensure that you get home safe and sound
2. Don’t mix drinks. If you drink RH at the start of the evening, then drink RH all the way. You’ll end up with a hang-over if you mix your drinks unless you’re really used to drinking.
3. Do not sleep on the way home. Wait until you get home to sleep, otherwise, if you sleep in the cab, you will not be able to go back to sleep once you get home, or worse, you might end up somewhere else.
4. Know your limits. Feeling tipsy is ok, drinking to the point of puking is not. Stop when you feel that you have enough.
5. Drink cold water with ice. When you know your drunk already, drink cold water with ice and you won’t end up the next day with a hangover. When you wake up, the first thing you do is drink cold water again.

Lastly, do it once every so often in your life. At some point, we all need to let go of the stress for one evening and just enjoy. Spend time with your friends once in a while and for that evening, forget about work, stress and problems and just get drunk. Trust me, you’ll face the week with much more enthusiasm 

To joey, jipjip, bruce and dongkoy: till the next drinking session.
To joy, yani and mike: join us the next time 

-ramblings from a drunk dreamer-

What to write? What to write?

I had this blog since 2009, but i haven't been really writing a lot, until last week, when I really made a concerted effort to make articles.. especially when i discovered how to upload pictures into this blog.. hahaha...

When i started this blog, i wanted to make a theme.. like, its to be about travel, or lifestyle, or books, or anything else... but til now, i don't have a specific theme.

first i wanted to write about dreams (well, obviously from the blogsite title right?) - but then, after a couple of articles, i realized, that you couldn't really fill up a blog with dreams - i mean, you can only talk or. write as in this case, about dreams so much, right?.. so there goes that theme...

next, i wanted to write about my son - but i figured, the only person who'd be interested to read it would be me and of course his dadad and most importantly, my son has told me with great emphasis that "mommy don't ever write about me"... so down the drain that theme went...

then, i figured, maybe revolved my blog about my travels.. but i realized that though i travel very often - its mostly due to my work. and let's face it, when its business related travel, you don't get to see a lot of sites especially when your with your boss.. hahaha.... there are some trips where i only get to see the hotel and the airport and that's it.... so, though, i didn't discounted this theme totally, i put it in the back burner..

after that, i thought about movies - hmmm.. though i love watching movies, i am usually able to watch it a few months after it gets showed and i don't really know a lot about cinematographic ek-ek to make an intelligent article about it.. so scratch that one...

so i thought and thought about it and thought about it some more.. i then asked myself - what is it i really like best? - and two things came to mind - gadgets and books.. so i said, yeah, i'll revolved my blog around books. but then, as my friends would say, i have boring tastes - i only read books about authors i like and i only read fiction books, so it'd be really limited..

so i went to the next thing - gadgets - let me tell you, i loooovvveeee gadgets.. but its actually the owning of the thing i love and the getting that thing that i like, so if I write about gadgets, i'd have to research about technical stuff which i don't like.. so its also a NO...

then, i thought about hotels - why not right? i've been to so many different hotels around the philippines, that i figured I could do it - but, i realized that i might not be able to say good things about some of it, so i'd rather not say anything at all.. haha..

and on and on and on it went.. up to now, i don't exactly know what my blog is going to be... i need to research more and find that special niche for me in the blog world..

ideas anyone?

Allen's Eight Birthday on the eight day of the eight month

My son officially turned eight at exactly 7:50 PM. We had a party in the house - and by party, I mean, just us here in the house plus a couple of titas, 1 tito and 1 cousin. We decorated the house all by ourselves and though the results might be amateurish, my son simply loved it..

We bought a simple birthday cake and decorated it ourselves.. as elena said, it looked good and looked like it was an underwater cake with spongebob, squipperd, sandy and patrik. we put in some candles that looked like weeds thus completing the underwater theme :)

I realized that as long as you do things together and you make it a labor of love, no matter how simple it might be or how cheap it is, my son wouldn't mind a bit and would just love it.

At the end of the evening, he said the sweetest thing to me - 'mommy, its the best birthday ever'...

Happy birthday allen! You make life worth living :) Love you very much...